I am tired of trying to hold things together that cannot be held. Trying to control what cannot be controlled. I am tired of denying myself what I want for fear of breaking things I cannot fix. They will break no matter what we do.
A few thoughts
So I’ve been away mostly this week trying to clear my head and make a few big decisions.
One of which is stepping down as VP/General Manager/Do It All at my parents company, a positions which I have held for a while now (far too long in my opinion). I have given them so much of my time, money and myself that I honestly have lost myself completely. They’re my family and I love them but I’ve finally reached the point where I can no longer keep giving so much of myself.
I’ve also realized, once again, that my older brother is obviously not going to mature now and/or possibly ever. There is no point in trying to talk sense into him because it will go in one ear and out the other. So I’m pretty much done with all his bullshit.. if he doesn’t want to straighten out his life, fine. I’m not removing him from my life but I’m no longer going to try so hard to mend a relationship he fucked up and obviously doesn’t care to fix.
There’s more shit going on but it’s all brought me to one solution. Moving the fuck out of Las Vegas. I haven’t exactly made up my mind but it’s more probable that it’ll happen than not. It’s time I stop worrying about everyone’s problems and start focusing on myself. I’ve been trying to hold the weight of the world on my shoulders for about three and a half years now & I’ve realized that the only person I need to worry about is myself.
I guess I still have lots to sort out before I make a decision for sure but at least now I know its time to move on with my life.